ANTs

Negative automatic thoughts are the negative thoughts that are elicited in people with anxiety disorders when faced with anxiety-provoking situations. (Source: Arlin Cuncic on About health)

I’ve dealt with Automatic Negative Thoughts for, probably, most of my life. I referred to it as over thinking. Immediately thinking the worst possible scenario despite all of the facts in front of me pointing to positive results.

My ANTs increased when I began dealing with depression and anxiety. As much as I read about and speak affirming statements, I still find myself struggling to turn my automatic negative thoughts into positive ones. I don’t have any desire to be negative and these thoughts seem almost out of my control.

But… I want to change them. I feel like I can put some effort into getting rid of a good portion of my ANTs.

Maybe this could work. Seems legit.

Honesty Hour

I just finished chatting with a close friend and realized how anxious I became. I am anxious about what I keep saying “isn’t that deep” or “doesn’t really matter” or “I don’t care for real” … but… I’m shaking.

For what?

Honestly – pressure. The pressure of Valentine’s Day is huge. If you do something for someone, everybody wants to know if you are getting something in return or what you’re doing today. I don’t give to get. Never have. Hopefully, never will. So why is it bothering me tonight?

Truthfully – it’s always been something that’s made me anxious.

I just acted like it didn’t matter for real. As if it is not something that impacted me or bothered me. But… it does.

So, I’m going to flip the script. I am going to stop being anxious. Right now. Why? Because I have had a great day with myself and with family. I feel better. I laughed a ton. I smiled a lot. I am surrounded by people that care and that is truly a blessing. Not to mention that I have an amazing fella around that reminds me to focus on being a better me.

Happy February 14th! Another day to share love. Because love and hope are definitely best when you share them.

Just like music…

I saw a picture on Facebook this morning that I loved! It very clearly and succinctly explains what music is and what it does for me. It shares the reasons why there is always a song in my head, in my heart and in my spirit. It illustrates what music can and does do.

Wonder what feelings sound like? Just like music…

A number of feelings can be expressed throughout one song, album, verse, 16 bars, etc. Certain music might not be your thing, your style or your forte. Doesn’t matter to me. The different types of music that I connect with are the expression of feelings that I experience, have experienced, or understand.

Got feelings? Get music.

A revelation…

I had a revelation this week that shocked me. I recognize that I need to heal from lots of things. I have even have “coping strategies” that I could try. I have an amazing support system and really no excuse for why my healing hasn’t begun.

My revelation showed me the reason that I wasn’t healing.

Fear.

Paralyzing fear. I feared something that could help me because… because I was doing just fine napping, exercising and drinking wine to forget about stuff and be positive. What could church, small group, support groups, journaling or focusing on my self really do to help me progress in the world? Where did I begin to fear things that were once helpful?

Fail.

I had some negative thinking before trying to truly dig in and heal. My revelation has inspired me to write. It’s inspired me to share. It has inspired me to stop trying to fix fhe world until I determine what I need to fix within.

The journey begins.